Love is confusing. Any advice? Help.?

I sent this to the girl i still love to this day:




















Well, your probaly wondering why i'm sendin you a long ole message. i am too. you told me the other day that you dont know why we see eachother and stuff cause i didnt know either. well, i started tryin to go back to the beginning when i first saw you sittin there with ashley across from me and brandon in the rec hall. i nudged brandon and said that ones mine and the other ones yours. i didnt know how that would end up. all i knew was that you were pretty. then i realized there was a dance and my mind started spinnin and i was to shy to ask you to go then so i made some guy do it for me. you said ';yeah ok.'; well we ended up dancin 7 times. that was the greatest feeling to have. just me and you out there slow dancin. then, we danced one last time to that awful song that haunts me still today. suddenly i realized i was goin home in the mornin. a million things were goin through my mind at that point and i knew i had to get in touch with you. i kept askin ashley for your number and she just kept tellin me that you already had a boyfriend. i was still determined though so i wrote down my number and was goin to give it to you before i left but was never able to give it to you. i cried all the way home. i could only hope to see you again in another year. that was going to be an eternity for me. no pictures, no way to call you, i was lost. i had a girlfriend but i just couldnt quit thinkin about you. well, the next year rolled around sure enough and i found out that you didnt really feel anything for me. you just sorta felt sorry for me. i didnt know how to accept it at that point in time. i was mad at you. my feelings for you were mixed and as bad as i wanted you, i tried to see you as a bad person but i couldnt help but remind myslef of how you had changed from the year before. yeah i was just so obsessed with you then that i couldn't even think straight. i ended up dancin with sara beth to say the least. i was still a little bit convinced that what we had done the year before was really something amazing. the dance was coming to a close when they put on that last, awful, song. i looked your way. you had another guy that you were dancing with. i lost it. i went out back and just started thinking about what all of it meant. i was trying to soak up my tears but i couldnt. i couldnt have the most special girl in the world and i was done. that year was followed by lots of soul searching. i had your number and i texted you and talked to you a lot. you told me you were sorry a lot. and i just didnt know what to say. i just wanted to love you. i began to get excited about seeing you at camp. sure enough the time came and i saw you and just stared. you came to hug me and i only wished that you could have known how many times i had dreamed that little moment. we spent a lot of time together and i wasnt smart enough to realize that this could very well be the last time i'd ever see you. i didnt express my feelings for you. i just wanted you to like me, think i was cool, be my friend. i stayed awake till dawn just thinkin of what i should do the next day and second guessing myself. those were the shortest days of my life. and they all lead up to the dance that was promised to me. i was nervous as ever for absolutely no reason at all. you looked beautiful. we danced to a song or two but they didnt matter. that last song did me in. every word of that song described what i felt. i had held everyhthing when i held you. i looked at you. all i ever wanted, all i would never have, stood in my arms. the song played on and the tears began to well up. i fought them back and the song ended. back in the cabin was terrible for me. i sat there staring into darkness. what else was there to think about?? YOU. what was i going to do? die? i was never going to see you again. no more dances. no more Miranda. i thought it was slightly possible to see you again but i wouldnt see you like that. not in my arms. not staring back at me. i know you didnt feel half what i felt but it didnt matter to me. i had spent careful time with the girl of my dreams. that was the upside. there wasnt much on the upside though. the downside was endless. i was overwhelmed with feeling. i cried and cried. nothing could make me feel that kind of hurt. nothing but love. this was the worst part of all. i loved you with every bit of myself and you didn't love me back. it was no longer just some crazy feelings. i really loved you. i had accumulated a lot of feeling for you and i dont know how. why would god do this? why would he hold the girl of me dreams in front of me? everytime i tried to get you he would just take you away. i dont understand myself anymore. im just so caught up with the thought of never being with you. i know that the events we've been through mean something.





So, why do we need to see eachother? I honestly dont know. Do i want to see you? yes i do. would it be good for me? probaLove is confusing. Any advice? Help.?
TOO LONG i don't think she'll read it ........