Thursday, July 29, 2010

Any advice on helping a friend through the death of a parent?

A male friend's father is on his deathbed and is being made comfortable awaiting the inevitable. They have had a rocky relationship and my friend put his dad through much grief growing up. They have made amends.





I've never helped a friend face the death of a parent before. Any advice from someone who has been through something similar?Any advice on helping a friend through the death of a parent?
Being there to hold and cry to... sounds cheesy, but that's what he'll really need. As it's a male friend, he may be a little uncomfortable sharing intimate feelings, so make sure you don't pressure him to talk.





By the way, your question suggests you haven't been through something like this. That's good, because someone upset rarely wants to hear ';I know how you feel exactly'; and that sort of thing. Clearly, you care, and that's enough.Any advice on helping a friend through the death of a parent?
I don't believe that you can ';help'; someone through this. It is an intensely personal experience and the person will go through a grieving process. In most cases, this starts of with anger, so it is best to avoid the person, rather than trying to offer ';anything I can do';.





Typically a grieving person needs tangible support like having meals cooked, house cleaned etc. If you can do this, do it, don't ask if he would like you do do it or not.





It is best to avoid the subject entirely unless the person raises it. And should they raise it, allow them to talk without comment. If your opinion is asked, agree with whatever they say. Certainly do not offer stories about similar experiences or how so and so dealt with it.





If it is a ';cyber'; friendship, the same rules apply. An occasional email to say ';I'm thinking about you'; is probably adequate.
It really depends on how they are spiritually, people that don't believe in an afterlife have a harder time to adjust. I mean we all get over the grief eventually but knowing we will meet on the other side is a bit more comforting than never again. I still love the book Leo Buscaglia wrote about death I think it was called ';The Fall of Freddie the Leaf' it helps children and adults alike.


http://www.amazon.com/Fall-Freddie-Leaf-鈥?/a>
I've been through difficult situations before, and I've found that it's bad to try and go back on routine. When people would try to act like nothing happened and try to do things normally, I felt like people were pushing away the problem as insignificant.





In a way, I wanted to dwell on it.





So just let him grieve.
Make you're there to give them support, but you don't have to bring up the subject. Just take them out to places, and if they wanna grieve for a couple days, let them do that.
Lots of good advice here. I agree, be there for them. Let them talk about the death after it occurs. Attend the funeral if possible. It's ok to cry and laugh.
I agree with the above post. I would add that you should accept his feelings and not try to say things like, ';life goes on';, ';he's in a better place';, etc.
Just be there. Help them keep their mind about it. Take him to the movies or take him bowling. Anything to keep him from stewing.
just be there. let him cry if he needs too. dont tell him your sorry a ton because that wont fix anything.
This is a hard one as I have just been thru it recently.. But not everyone grieves the same give him time he'll be right..
i dont know just help them

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